Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What's Your Focal Point?

From Hope for Today, page 145:

"Whatever I concentrate on will become central to my life."

What do I want for a focal point in my day? Someone else's character defects?

Written out like that, it sounds so baldly ghastly, yet that is precisely how I've spent many, many days of my life. Preoccupied with my own obsessing: all else discarded, forgotten, or temporarily set aside. I could be indoors or out, it matters not, all that loomed in my view was this focal point of the alcoholic. And their shortcomings.

I didn't spend entire days, weeks, thinking about their positive character traits, although I was capable of recognising those, when not in complete nutcase mode.

For me, obsessing "follows as the night the day," from my inability to stand my ground. (I know I'm most likely boring you all senseless with this particular topic, as I seem to be writing about it a lot lately, but this is what's on my mind.)

Last night, I followed a line of reasoning from the end back to the beginning, and guess where it started? Same old place. Me with my mouth shut. Too tired to speak. Feeling that it was pointless.

I've created a lot of unhappiness for myself over the years by deciding ahead of time that it was pointless to speak up: nothing would change: I'd said it all before, yada yada yada.

I like something I've heard at meetings: "If I don't respect my boundaries, how can I expect the alcoholic to respect them?"

I'd like to add this:

 If I don't respect my own boundaries, I'm going to find myself doing a lot of obsessing.


  1. Are you saying that you've been obsessing about obsessing? lol

    Thanks for this message. I needed to hear it today.

    I've been doing that, too. Only I've been obsessing about fear. I've written three posts on the topic in a very short time. But I'm over it now, moving on... done obsessing.

  2. I agree with you, without boundaries, where are we??? Not in a great place, that is what I've found.

    The moment I learned about boundaries, and set them (with myself and the addict in my life) things got better. He didn't stop using, but I was able to find peace. Peace within and peace with my boundaries.

  3. Maybe you're finding your true voice in this world, and honouring it by speaking up. Is it possible that your spirit is growing but your ego just wants to maintain the status quo?

  4. I don't obsess like I once did. I do need to work on maintaining strong boundaries with those I love.

  5. Read in a Meolody Beattie book that obsessing is a behavior that stems from a desire to control.I only share because I, myself being very co-dependent, now wanting to go in a different direction, can identify those weakness within myself. When I don;t obsess it is a good sign. I have let it go. I have accepted the situation. This is a place called Serenity