When I had lunch with my sponsor this week, she jokingly asked if I was planning to speed up my timeframe when it came to making new friends here?
I've been a person who is slow to trust, very cautious and careful, and as such, I've been lonely when I haven't needed to be. I've been isolated, when there was an abundance of love and support out there, just waiting for me to access it.
My sponsor was proud of me when I told her that no, I'd already begun to make friends. I've chanced rejection, and reached out to ask people if they'd like to spend some time with me, and so far, if anyone has said no, it was a scheduling matter, not a rejection of me as a person.
I can still be surprised at the degree to which my attitude colors my perceptions - when I'm in a postive mood, I can see that I've been lucky in the wonderful folks I've met here, in program, and out. I feel both blessed, and grateful. When I'm feeling down, or stressed, or in HALT, all I can see is that which I don't have here - the security of years spent in a home group: long-term friendships.
I was asked recently, by a person new to program, why is there such an emphasis put upon reading the literature between meetings? My reply was, we forget. Human beings have an incredible ability to forget even the things we want to remember. Reading Al-Anon literature on a daily basis, even with the ODAT, which I have been reading for years now, there will be points that leap out at me, which I recall reading dozens of times, but have promptly gone on to forget.
Daily reading of Al-Anon literature, impresses upon my mind that which is beneficial to my spirit.
I love the "daily reading of Al-Anon" literature. In my first year, I marked the pages and passages in ODAT that spoke to me. In my second year, I noticed that I was moved by entirely different passages. It's all about where I am in my recovery at the time.
ReplyDeleteI think for me the daily reading of Alanon literature was crucial to my finding a new way because when I was early in the program, I was in a constant state of crisis, real crisis, and it was SO easy to get lost along the way. To fall back into old behaviors. I wasn't fluid in the things I was learning yet and I needed that daily infusion to keep it all fresh in my mind.
ReplyDeleteReading literature reminds me of the choices that I have, especially in times of upheaval. I, too, isolate and have to make a conscience effort to reach out. Old habits are hard to break.
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