Our culture teaches us to be in a constant state of comparing. We compare careers, houses, families, vacations, vehicles...the list is endless. There is always another person who has more than we do, and when we feel deprived or envious, we live a life of dissatisfaction.
I'm not someone who cares much for "stuff." If I didn't have this stuff, I'd have other stuff, and I don't care much, as long as it serves the purpose for which it was designed. Cars, furniture, housing - I like my creature comforts, and I appreciate the stuff I have, but I am well aware of its relative lack of importance in my life.
Where I've driven myself to insanity, is in comparing myself to other people, and coming up short. I wasn't attractive enough, intelligent enough...I could feel inadequate in many directions, given the chance.
From Courage to Change, page 140.
"If I compare, I lose. Maybe I'll come out feeling better than somebody this time, but next time, I'm bound to feel worse. The best way to stop feeling that I'm not good enough, is to stop comparing altogether."
Comparing is a learned habit, and I can unlearn it. When I catch myself starting to compare, I can stop, take a step back, and consider what is happening in my life - am I feeling anxious about something? Am I worried? Frightened? I don't compare when I'm calm and relaxed, only when I'm in the grip of one of the "negative" emotions. I need to search out the reasons behind my comparing, deal with them, and satisfy my emotional needs. Then I will regain the serenity which allows me to observe and enjoy, with no comparing, just gratitude.
A wise person once told me that if we take radical responsibility for our lives there is no need for blame, that the choices we made are ours to own. When we compare, we hand over our personal responsibilities to some fuzzy, external forces (fate/gods/karma,whatever).
ReplyDeleteYet our vision for ourselves is so limited; who knows whether the choices we made yesterday haven't prepared us for somwthing awesome in the future?
I understand what you are saying here. I've learned that comparing does me little good. I can improve myself because I want to, but if I do it to be better than another, it doesn't work.
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