Listen & Learn

This is an apt slogan for what's been happening in my life lately. I have always been a talker. I talked to entertain, to disarm, to explain, to ease my own nervousness, and because I felt starved for attention. When I was new to program, I had to muster much self-control, in order not to misuse my sharing time at meetings, by talking for much longer than was fair/reasonable/tolerable. Over the years I've been a member of Al-Anon, I've become more comfortable within, and that has led to less need to talk. My present sponsor is a woman who is more comfortable in silence. My first sponsor, who was also a talker, used to joke that the two of us were like human pressure cookers, and had to let off steam through the use of words. Lots of words.


In the last while, I find myself with less to say. My Higher Power has granted me another level of serenity. I've worked hard, and prayed fervently for this, and receiving it has filled me with a powerful gratitude. I feel as if another layer of my defenses has been removed, and with it, the character defects that maintained it. Change like this can be disturbing for those friends or family not in program - they want to maintain the status quo. But my sponsor, and my program friends, can recognise the peacefulness I feel, and rejoice with me. I used to have a relaxation tape, and one of the affirmations the speaker used was: "I am completely calm." That's how I'm feeling.

From the ODAT, page 41:

"When I talk all the time, nothing new is being added to me. I am using the same old destructive thought material that has kept me at a standstill for so long.
To absorb new ideas, I keep my lips closed and my ears open. I find this gives me a new perspective on my problems, so solutions come more easily."