Let Go And Let God.

From Hope for Today, page 76:

"To truly detach with love, I practise "Let Go and Let God." I give up trying to control the alcoholic, and instead increase my efforts to keep my focus on myself without falling prey to alcoholic games. When I let go and let God, I'm more apt to find a place of compassion between obsession and indifference, where the serenity of ordered thoughts and emotions lies. With God's help, the hope of a happy medium can become a reality."

"... a place of compassion between obsession and indifference." When I was new to Al-Anon, I had no belief that such a place existed. Even now, I can struggle to find that place of compassion, that comfortable middle ground. Usually, when I'm having trouble locating it, I am stuck in willfullness - I want things to go one way or the other, I want a certain outcome, I want a specified response - I'm invested.

True detachment, for me, is the ability to view life with a calm relaxed feeling - to be able to see both sides of a problem, to give the other person's viewpoint equal time, to work together with my Higher Power, checking in with Him regularly, to make sure I have "the knowledge of His will," and am not beetling off down some selfish sideroad.

There have been times in my early recovery when I was trying to do this very thing, but fearful doubt was my companion, walking beside me and muttering into my ear, "Are you sure He knows what He's doing?"

I consider myself fortunate to have had my time in Al-Anon, which allows me to be more able and willing to do my bit, and then....let go. Watch with interest as it gathers momentum and speed, with only curiosity as to where He's going to take me next. With the help of 12-Step, my sponsor, and other members of Al-Anon, I can do this, rather than watch for two seconds, then completely lose my nerve, yelling, "No, no, I've changed my mind!"

When I Let Go and Let God, I'm facing reality - I'm not in control, my Higher Power is. Since that's the case, any efforts on my part to control, are a waste of my time and energy. Why not practise faith, and use my time to better effect? Instead of worrying away at that which is beyond me, I can help a program friend. I can play in my garden.

I see it as trusting the Driver, hopping on of my own volition, and then enjoying the ride, instead of being dragged along because my hand is caught in the door. Either way, I'm going, it's up to me whether its pleasurable or agonising.