Saturday, September 19, 2009

How Can I Tell If The Alcoholic Is Lying?

Their lips are moving, right.

For those of us who love alcoholics (using or sober,) this has to be one of most excruciating aspects of it all - the lies. Small lies to keep the peace, larger ones to avoid serious conflict, and great big honkers, for whatever the reason may be. When confronted, they always have a way of making it our fault that they lied. I will never cease to be amazed at how good they all seem to be at that little sleight of hand.

It can be disheartening, when the alcoholic is going to meetings, and seems to be making some progress, to discover that they've been gazing at us with a straight face, apparent sincerity, and lying like a rug. It's painful, to have one more piece of our trust and belief in them chipped away.

I'm feeling really depressed tonight. I took the dogs out for their walk, ran into a lady who stopped to chat with me, and although I responded to her questions about the dogs as best I could, I just didn't have it to give. I feel completely emptied out, and despairing. I wonder if things are ever going to be different. I question my committment - am I loyal, or a fool? This is especially painful because I've been having a really good stretch the last couple of weeks, feeling positive and hopeful and spiritually aware.
Finding out that I've been lied to again, and then to sit in silence and listen, while it was explained to me how it was actually my own fault that I'd been told this lie - it's dispiriting. I wonder how our definition of "love" can differ so widely. I wonder what it is about the alcoholic ego, that makes lying expendient, even when the lie is going to cause so much damage to the relationship.

My sponsor is out of town on holiday right now, and I'm missing her tremendously tonight. I'm grateful for my Higher Power here with me, and for the warm comfort of my little dog so trustingly asleep upon my lap - I'm grateful for all of you, who support me in this journey we all take together. But I'm feeling kind of lonely tonight.


  1. When this kind of situation happens with the resulting feelings of being let down again, my response has to be to take it to God in prayer, take care of myself, get to a meeting, everything I've learned in my Al-Anon program.

    I send prayers your way too.


  2. I know that its what alcoholics do so I don't have many expectations. In fact, I lower them to such a level that they are nearly absent. I realize that alcoholism has many faces and that lying is just another of the baffling things about it. I also know that the words that wound are another aspect. Yes, it chips away at trust. But I've learned to reserve my full trust for my HP. I hope that you'll find peace in knowing that God is right there with you.

  3. I'm just discovering your blog today, and can relate to much of what you are saying. I used to think the A's in my life would tell the truth if they were sober, but after many years, I learned the hard way that even sober those lies keep coming. Hang in there!