From the ODAT, page 103:
"Despair, how many of us suffer from it! Yet we do not realise that it is purely the absence of faith. We cannot despair as long as we are willing to turn to God for help in our extremity. When we are troubled, and can't see a way out, it is only because we imagine that all solutions depend upon us. We must remind ourselves that our human wisdom and ingenuity have often failed to bring the hoped-for results."
When I found Al-Anon, I'll agree with the bit about ingenuity, because I was forever coming up with new and different ways to try to manipulate the alcoholic, but wisdom? I was sorely lacking in the wisdom department.
I was too caught up in trying to control: raging in fear and fury: lashing out in pain - there was no quiet time in which wisdom could grow. I need some peace and serenity, for there to be any hope of wisdom making an appearance.
I needn't believe in anyone else's concept of a Higher Power; whatever works for me, is perfectly acceptable. I make my life much more difficult than it need be, when I believe that any and all solutions depend upon me - this adds stress and a burden I do not want or need to carry.
Some days, I may not have a clear concept of to whom I am "letting go" but it works nonetheless.
Don't ask me how, I don't have the requisite wisdom to answer that question. I've learned in Al-Anon to say "I don't know" and feel no shame or lack or embarassment. I don't know, and some days I don't even care that I don't know, because it works anyway, and given that truth, what else matters?
I love that reading because it mirrors my own experience so perfectly. I came into the program believing in God, but lacking faith.
ReplyDeleteFaith has been the greatest gift Al-Anon has given me. I simply cannot despair. I cannot worry. I have to know that everything is exactly as it should be, will work out exactly as it's supposed to, and in the perfect time. I absolutely believe that today. Thanks for sharing.
I referred to part of this reading in last night's meeting. It really spoke to me. I was glad to see it again. I don't know sometimes either, and that is okay today.
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Yes, I know that when I give over my problems to my Higher Power, there is such a change in my attitude. I quit getting caught in the vortex of my own emotions.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this. Learning to be less affected by all the things going on around us is key. I know that's been one of the biggest things for me, just to be able to focus on what I'm doing and where I'm going with my life. Makes everything a lot more controllable and a lot more manageable, since I never could control all those other things anyway.
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