Thursday, May 28, 2009

"Why?" Is Not Important.

I had internet problems all day, and now I'm almost too tired to think. So this is going to be a very short post.

Talking to a friend today, and the question of "Why does this happen?" kept being raised.

"Why?" may be interesting, it may even be helpful, under some circumstances. It can also be a procrastination device.

"When I understand why, then I'll work on acceptance." Right. Life never seems to be that neatly arranged - setting arbitrary limits for myself, is just making recovery more difficult to achieve.

"Why?" is irrelevant. It is what it is. I cannot change other people, and I cannot fix the past. Understanding doesn't make acceptance any easier. Some days, it goes down like whipped cream on chocolate pudding - with a smooth delicious coolness. Some days, it feels like chewing straw, and were it not for the fact that experience has taught me that it's worthwhile, I'd have second thoughts about choking it down.

So it goes.


  1. I've never really asked "why" because I've always assumed I knew -- because my husband is not strong enough, doesn't love us enough, is selfish enough to not say no to alcohol.

    I am learning, slowly, that none of those things are inherently true. That alcoholism is a disease (though I have a hard time embracing that still). That he is just as miserable, maybe more, at being an alcoholic as we are living with one.

    So while I'm not hung up on why, I am still working on acceptance.

  2. Never underestimate the power of understanding! It is often so much easier to accept once we understand! Understanding leads to communion and to healing. My husband used to always have lapses in sobriety each valentine's day. Finally I learned that his mother had died on V-day. Changed the whole course of the way we approached and celebrated that holiday!

    "Seek First to Understand, then to be understood"