Monday, May 4, 2009


From Hope for Today, page 125:

"The process of making decisions sometimes causes me problems and gets me stuck. I want to make the "perfect"decision not only for the problem at hand, but also for any consequences that might arise from the original decision. I'll spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of dozens of hypothetical problems, some of them occurring 30 years down the road, which cannot be obliterated by one single "perfect" decision I might make today."

This describes the decision-making (don't want to call it a "technique" as that makes it sound measured, reasonable, and well-thought-out, and it was none of those, being motivated purely by fear) process I used before Al-Anon. I couldn't arrive at a conclusion on even the smallest of matters, because I would invariably be sidetracked by what might happen if I went that route. I'd spend hours trying to anticipate all possible ramifications, in the hopes that I might find the best of all possible solutions. I drove myself, and those around me, completely insane. It was much easier to just "go along to get along," as then the responsibility for the decision wasn't mine, and I could snipe from the sidelines, were it to prove a mistake. I was a seething mass of confusion and resentments. I wanted the autonomy to make my own decisions, without having to take the fall for them.

How did I learn to do things differently? One decision at a time. Praying for the guidance of my Higher Power, and then being willing to listen for, and act upon, that guidance, trusting that very few things in life are final, and that I can learn just as much from a mistaken decision as from a correct one.


  1. I lived in fear for years that I would do it wrong, no matter what situation. Wrong according to who, is the big question. I still suffer from this but not as bad as I used to. jeNN

  2. I really like the fact that I can learn from every experience...takes all the sting out of things that used to decimate me when I was trying so hard to be perfect...

    Thank God for 12 steps, eh?

  3. I also learn from the things that I do well and from those that I mess up. I'm not perfect. And my shortcomings often get in the way of doing the right things.