Asking For Help.

I woke up this morning thinking about this, then found myself reading several of my favourite blogs only to find they'd posted on this very subject - kind of makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up when that happens - syncronicity.

I was, before 12-Step, a person who wanted to do it all by myself. I've had periods in my life when I think my Higher Power must have felt like any parent of a two year old does, watching them insist upon "I do it!" when it would be so much cleaner, tidier, faster to do it themselves, but how else do we learn? One of my major stumbling blocks when I was a newcomer, was in swallowing my pride and asking for help before I was hopelessly entangled. I still have (rarely, now) times I just cannot do it - my ego stands in my way.

My self-image was so shaky that I couldn't bear to admit to any weaknesses. I had the silly notion that were I not to admit to them, they'd be invisible to others. Now I realise they are glaringly visible, such is human nature, we see the shortcomings of others in neon display, it's our own we find strangely opaque.

But I do have one area of my life which I see with crystal clarity. Occasionally, I will have a newcomer try to suggest that because I have been around Al-Anon for a while, I'm an "expert." I hasten to disabuse them of this notion. I do not want that expectation hanging over my head, it's ghastly even to contemplate.  That way lies ego gratification - pontificating program, while not truly working it.

I strive for humility on a daily basis, because it's only when I am truly humble, that I am able to accept. When I accept, I learn the more challenging and onerous lessons. When I ask for help from a program friend, I am celebrating our shared humanity. When I ask for help from my Higher Power, I am admitting to the limits of my knowledge.