I can't change other people.
If I'm predicating my happiness or my serenity, on the hope that someone else will change, to become the person I want them to be, I am handing them my life on a plate, and retiring to a corner to starve.
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From Courage to Change, page 234:
"Searching for the real me, living according to my needs, and loving myself as a new-found friend have been the most rewarding benefits of the Al-Anon program. Strangely, they're the last ones I would have imagined receiving when I began.
Today's Reminder
Today I can choose to take responsibility for my own life. If I stay out of other's affairs and become more aware of my own, I have a good chance of finding serenity.
"Each man's life represents a road toward himself."
Hermann Hesse
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I want to be capable of clear, healthy thinking. That's not possible when I'm disturbed by someone else's behavior, or thinking. How do I get there?
First, I need to be aware of what's going on inside my head, so I can catch myself when I start obsessing, or taking someone else's inventory. So, I find I'm doing this, what's next?
I need to consider which character defect is driving my thinking - am I angry? Resentful? Arrogant? Judgemental? Impatient? Controlling? I can ask my Higher Power to remove it. Right then, at that moment, I can ask to be set free of whatever character defect has risen to the surface, and is presently running my show.
Once I've asked to be relieved of my character defect, and have had it lifted, then I am capable of clear healthy thinking, because I'm not being swept along by my feelings. I can detach, step back, and decide exactly what it is that's best for me, without having my judgement clouded by high emotion.
What is best for me, is to be honest to myself and my own needs. If I don't do this for myself, I will be angry. I will be resentful, I will be _____. (fill in the blank)
Clear thinking makes many things possible. I pray for the wisdom to understand what I can change, and what I cannot.
Thank you for sharing! I found your site through Marcia's site. I really enjoyed this reading today. For me if I don't find that healthy clear thinking... I will be angry.
ReplyDeleteThat is the "trick" for me--to inventory what I am feeling and not simply react. If I can pause, when agitated, then I have clear thinking. The pausing at times is the difficult part!
ReplyDeleteKeeping the focus on myself allows me to grow more when I stop policing others.
ReplyDeleteBeing patient with were I am helps to accept others where they are in their lives.
My fill in the blank______Controled by anothers emotional outburst or actions, because in the past my focus turned on making them happy. I was controled. Better to detach and not be a fly in the spider's web. The outcome often was a loss for me.
ReplyDelete