Friday, August 19, 2011

Eager For Humility.

From AA's 12 and 12, page 73:
"To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as something to be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time."

I'd have to agree with that one for myself. It has taken me many years to reach the place I'm at now, which I've heard described as, "a sheer delight to find out we're wrong, because that means we have another chance to change and grow."

I'm finding myself and my ego-driven thinking, funnier as the years pass. I've got a little reminder up on the wall behind my computer:

SIOTSU - this stands for: Say It Once, Then Shut Up.

I joked with my sponsor that this would make a great new slogan - she dryly suggested I submit it to World Services, and see what they thought. I was reminded of this today,  listening to a 12-Step talk, when the speaker said he likes to tell his sponsees, after they've rambled on for a while about whatever it is: "Now distill that down to one or two sentences."

When I take 10 minutes to say something, that's my ego talking - I've noticed that my sharing in meetings is becoming shorter by the year, because so much of the time, I am able to distill it down to a few sentences.

My life becomes simpler all the time, and what a glorious feeling that is. I'm more able to let go of my old thinking, and open my mind to absorb new. Much of my fear has fallen away, and with its going, life has grown to feel more like an adventure.

I am far more loving than I once was. When I'm in a meeting, and someone speaks of the way this incredible program has changed their life for the better, it never fails to move me, because of my love for the people around the table who are sharing my spiritual journey. I'm not even close to achieving the perfection of which I dreamed when I was new to Al-Anon, and that's not a goal anymore.
Humility means that I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power unconditionally. I spent a long time believing that it was my choice to turn control of my will and my life over to my Higher Power. When I realised that I was turning over an illusion, it was staggering. Mind-boggling, and quite the blow to my ego. But once that passed, it became hilariously funny.

That was perhaps the first time that I felt that "sheer delight in being wrong", because of what it meant for me in terms of my spiritual growth. If being wrong could teach me, I was finally, fully eager to be wrong. Being wrong went from something embarassing and shameful, to - humility.

1 comment:

  1. I like the short shares that aren't filled with a lot of "plate of spaghetti" thoughts. Those pearls of wisdom are the ones that I write down. I have several journals from Al-Anon meetings and what I have heard.

    If I say something more than once, then it is likely that I am nagging and trying to control.