Wednesday, April 15, 2009

My Higher Power's Sense of Humour.

I recently almost stopped myself, but didn't, from saying to a smoker in the family, "I haven't had bronchitis since I quit smoking." This may sound fairly innocuous, a piece of information being exchanged, but we both knew I was telling them that they should quit, too. (Can you see this coming? I promptly woke up the very next morning with a roaring cold, and the start of bronchitis. I believe this to be my Higher Power's sense of humour, a gentle admonition about just who is in charge, here.)

I've been trying not to make this sort of controlling comment, but the odd time, I'm not able to resist. The momentary satisfaction will occasionally seem to be worth it, irrespective of the foreknowledge that I'm going to feel guilty for having made it, have to take a step 10, admit my wrong, and make an amend.

When I smoked, all this sort of remark ever accomplished, was to awaken a fierce desire for a cirgarette. I know it's counterproductive, I know it's pointless, why do I do it?

I do it because I'm a control freak. I'm a control freak in recovery, but that is who I am, and I need to be ever vigilant against that reality of my character. If I'm not paying attention, and working my program, I revert with stunning speed to behaving like a person I don't wish to be.

I'd forgotten just how miserable a case of bronchitis is. Next time I'm tempted to make one of those controlling comments about  smoking, I'm going to remember this, and think twice.

My Higher Power's sense of humour can be a little...pointed.

1 comment:

  1. I know that type of controlling statement. I don't want to directly control but do the subtle thing. It is like a dead rat because the alcoholic can smell it a mile away.