Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Damage That We Do

I was out in my garden most of the day today. (Yesterday as of 9 minutes ago) The weather was spectacular: warm and sunny, so I was in heaven, weeding, planning, admiring, and laughing at the dogs. They've got spring fever, and would suddenly accelerate, from a sedate walk to a galloping blur, for the sheer joy of running.

Later on in the day, I realised that the knuckle of my right pinky was very sore, and when I looked at it, it was quite inflamed and an interesting shade of purplish red. I'd been so focused on my weeding, I hadn't noticed that I'd hurt it. In terms of injury, it's minimal, but it got me thinking of how it could be a metaphor for my life before Al-Anon.

In my obsessive determination to reach the goal I had in sight, I was heedless of the bruising I inflicted. Later, I would be aware of the pain, but at the time, I was oblivious. Nothing mattered but achieving my goal. That kind of personal determination can be a character asset, in the proper circumstances. Incorrectly used, it's a recipe for pain.

Today, I was using it to dig out buttercups from between the garden edging and sidewalk; when I was finished, I felt considerable satisfaction.

I'm much more balanced, now that I use my program tools to redirect my energy, into channels where my personality traits can be a powerful force for good, rather than a whirlwind causing major damage.

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