Thursday, August 15, 2013

Health News Update

On this past Monday, I was diagnosed with cancer. The tumour is small, 2cm, .79 of an inch, and was caught as a result of routine screening finding an anomaly, so I underwent further testing, which revealed the cancer.

In truth, I knew it was cancer by the reaction of the doctor doing the testing, he exclaimed, "Oh no, look at that!" when he saw it on the screen, and then both he and the nurse present fell ominously silent. Before then, they had been joking a bit, and being a little silly with me, but as soon as he saw the "growth" (as they called it at the time,) his demeanor, and that of his nurse, changed completely.

I then had to wait for a week until the biopsy results came in. My partner went into the room with me to get the results from my family doctor, and looked as though he'd been hit by a truck, but when we walked out into the hallway of the medical building, drew me into the warm loving circle of his arms, and whispered his love for me.

For the rest of that day, I felt furiously angry and resentful - how unfair is it, to have met the love of my life 3 months ago, and now receive a cancer diagnosis?

By the next morning, my natural cheerfulness had reasserted itself, like one of those bathtub toys that will only stay submerged under the water if held there, as soon as one lets go, up they pop to ride the surface.

That's just how it's been for me; I have let this go, because it is completely, utterly, beyond my control. As soon as I made the choice to let go and give it all over to my Higher Power, my usual mindset returned. I spent far too many years steeped in anger and self-pity and resentment to be willing to let anything take me back to that miserable state of mind.

I don't want to be unhappy, and I don't have to be, even with cancer, if I choose not to be. I will most likely have times of tears, but I don't have to allow this to drag me into daily sorrow and anger - I have a partner who is a gift and a delight, and I want to be able to enjoy him wholeheartedly. I want to be able to do all the things that bring me joy, and do them with a light heart, and that requires that I let go of the cancer, turn it over, and release it. I will make decisions as I'm faced with them, but I will not let this define me.

I thank my Higher Power with a grateful heart, for all my years in Al-Anon, 29 next month - they make this possible.

Bless you and thank you for your supportive comments and letters.  I'll keep you in the information loop, among my usual hit and miss posting on here.


  1. Thanks for telling us and sharing how you are working your programme with this. I do hope you will keep us in touch with how you are getting on.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    1. Dear Daisyanon,

      Thank you for your prayers and thoughts, bless you.

  2. I will be praying. I want to ask about treatments and what not. What chances you have and the like but if you really wanted to share you would have told us. I admit I am a bit cholked up and I only been following you sense spring I think.

    1. Dear green_eyed_leopards,

      I won't know any of that - prognosis, treatment possibilities, etc, until after I've seen the surgeon on this coming Tuesday, the 20th, and possibly after some more tests, but I promise as soon as I know anything, I will let you know on this blog. Thanks for your concern.

  3. I hope that all will be well. I know that you will do your due diligence with reading and understanding treatment options, etc. Also, it is helpful to ask for the pathology report. I am thinking of you. My mother had breast cancer in her 60's and died from old age at 95. Modern medicine has come a long way.

  4. I am so sorry to hear this news. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. And our HP can work in mysterious ways. Perhaps you found your soulmate 3 months ago (and right on time) so that someone would be at your side to see you through this...
    There are no coincidences.

    Sending you blessings.

  5. Thank you for sharing an intimate detail of your life and how you work your program in all areas of your life. The tools that I have received from working a program have given me a deeper, wider human experience in my life. Thinking of you....

  6. :( I don't know what to say since I only started following you this week. I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you.

  7. As always, you inspire.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you, "dude."
    Mr. SP

  8. It is odd how things work out- how you just met your partner, and now this- but there has to be a reason for it all. I will keep you in my prayers. Also- it is inspiring how you are dealing with this. I've let lesser things ruin my serenity.

  9. I will be praying for you. I'm sorry....a cancer dx is scary. The uncertainty etc. I know that God has a plan. We will work to accept that as good enough.