Patience was not one of my character assets, when I was new to program. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it - usually "yesterday, already."
I have learned patience, and it seems to have naturally developed further through diligent practise of the Al-Anon program. I no longer feel the incessant nag of wanting, which used to echo through my head like a loud motorcycle roaring up the road. But this has been tested lately, waiting for the results of my biopsy. I missed the doctor's call yesterday, because I was away from home at my partner's place. I also missed the call from a local surgeons office, informing me that I have an appointment booked as of August 20th.
I can let go of what I cannot control, so waiting over the weekend to get the results is no worse than waiting for the 1-2 weeks I believed I'd still have to wait to hear. It is what it is.
What I've had to work to control, is internet-trolling for information regarding the possibilities facing me. It's not a good idea at this point, because my mind wants, like a contrary horse, to go down the gloomiest road, and I don't want to travel that path again, thank you. I travelled that path and only that path, for most of my childhood and adult life, and it makes for an unhappy and depressed state. I don't want to torture myself with imaginings.
Last night I awoke out of a sound sleep, and my mind immediately began to present me with horrors of one sort or another. I got up, got a book, and read for a good two hours before I could fall back asleep, and that was only possible through my repeating like a mantra, "God, please help me with this." I fell asleep with the sting of tears in my eyes, and a lump in my throat, and the fear held just enough at bay to allow me sleep. That's what this program does - before Al-Anon, sleep would have been utterly impossible.
I'm house-sitting for the next ten days for a friend who is on vacation. Her little dog is a pleasant companion, but I miss my partner's strength, courage, and support.