Monday, April 4, 2011

Surrender Into Freedom.

When we are locked into a relationship with a friend, family member, boss, or spouse, in which we are forever pushing for change, and the other is continually resisting, we are snared in a trap of our own devising; all of our mad wriggling and struggle, only tightens the cord about our leg.

The more pressure exerted in an effort to change the other, the stronger will be the resistance. We can get locked into our various positions, to the point that we are operating more on habit and routine, than from any real emotion. This can go on for years, if one person doesn't seek help: with each side becoming hardened and solidified in their half of the exchange.

When we learn in Al-Anon that we are powerless, we may kick against this truth for ages, refusing to accept or to believe that there isn't one action we can take to force change. If you are like me, you might believe that if you just find the right thing to say, the alcoholic will be able to hear you, and, presto chango! Poof! Problem solved.

I can say, without reservation, that this has been the belief which has interfered most with my search for serenity, this idea that my words will affect change in another person. I've spent many unhappy hours nattering away: advising, criticising, judging, complaining. And never, not one time has the other person changed as a result of all my hot air.

I took the dogs out today for a long walk, wandering my neighbourhood's quiet streets, daydreaming and meditating, and I realised that in some areas of my life, I have surrendered completely - but I have some places in which I'm still hanging onto my self-will and my desire to get my own way, if at all possible. This is a realisation which may have been percolating for a while, because when it rose to the surface of my mind and I caught sight of it, I had the instant gut reaction of "That's what's been getting in my way!"

I came home and printed up a sign to post on the wall behind my computer:

of it
to God.

I need these reminders, because life yanks me off on a tangent, and before I know it, I've forgotten the very thing I thought I'd always remember. 

Surrender. Letting go. Acceptance. I have had good experience with surrender; when I practise it mindfully and whole-heartedly, I am putting down my problem in the serene knowledge that my Higher Power is there to pick it up. I don't have to carry it, consider it, obsess over it, give it any head room at all. I'm much better occupied elsewhere.

I pray for the wisdom to close my mouth, and open my mind to surrender and acceptance.


  1. Needed to hear this exact thing today. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Always a good reminder, thank you so much!

  3. Self will is so strong. I think that eventually we get beat down enough to surrender our will. Staying in that state of surrender is the trick.