Challenging Days. Or Weeks.

When I arrived at the meeting last night, and was asked how I was, I replied, after a short pause for thought, "I'm having a challenging week with my alcoholic." I'd meant it seriously, but my listener laughed at the euphemism; they'd known precisely what I'd meant by that statement. Their laughter made me laugh in turn, and I could feel myself beginning to relax, into the wonderful calming space that is an Al-Anon meeting.

I've been doing a lot of meditating, and talking to my Higher Power this week; something is being worked out in me. I can feel the change taking place, although I can't see it clearly. My feelings are rising and receding;  I'm working to let them flow through me, making no effort to fight them off, label them, or deny them. I am, in some fundamental way, calmer and more accepting, even as I am swept through with this "new broom."

I've been out walking for hours every day, and this helps to keep me centered, by expending the restless energy these feelings stir up in me. I'm reminded of someone at a meeting years ago, who used the analogy of feeling a bit like a pot of soup being briskly stirred, and went on with a sigh, "I feel like saying to my Higher Power, "A little calmer with the spoon, dude!"