Saturday, October 3, 2009

Blind Obduracy or Panic?

How often, when I'm facing what I believe to be obstinacy in another person, am I really facing trepidation and panic?

Is it possible that I'm placing this interpretation upon their actions, so that rather than feel compassion, I may persist in my attitude of scorn, resentment, anger?

I can look back over my own life. and see with clarity, when fear motivated me to make questionable choices as a result of my panic and confusion. Is it possible that the person I'm facing is also in that state of fear and distress?

Why did I always ascribe the worst of all motives to others, and the best to myself?

I've seen my little dog in a state of panic, and when she's in that blind fear, she will fight even loving hands trying to extricate her - her desperation to escape overrides her ability to think or reason.

I've seen newcomers in Al-Anon who are willing to smash the entire structure of their lives to get out, get away. The problem with that, being - one takes oneself along in that mad dash to freedom. And it certainly has been true for me, what George Santanya said:

"Those who cannot remember the past,
 are condemned to repeat it." 

I believe this is one reason we are urged to remember HALT - when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, fear can seep in through the tiniest of breaches. Compassion, for ourselves, and for others, is to be desired, it makes life bearable when we feel we cannot take another step. When I choose compassion for another, I offer our shared humanity as comfort.


  1. So many truths in your blog. I like the mad dash to freedom. Yup.

  2. I experienced that fear seeping through this past week. I'm glad to be on the other side of that now. It is hard when it occurs though.