Saturday, August 6, 2011

How Will I Know?

The way it seems to work for me, I may not know that I've reached a decision, until I am caught unawares with the realisation that I'm now feeling peaceful, when I once again contemplate, that which has been causing me small (or great) distress.  I recognise my state of mind as the one which follows the hard work of consideration, reflection and choosing - a calm and centred place.
Then, all that remains, is the organisation required to begin working towards my goal. No more confusion, distress, self-doubt. Just: what do I do next? And after that? And after that?

I used to ask my first sponsor "But, how will I know when I'm ready to ____?" She'd smile lovingly upon my impatient self, and reply, "You'll know. Believe me, it's not something you can mistake."

I found that a deeply unsatisfying reply, until, some long time later, in a calm wash of awareness, I understood what she meant, because I felt it.

It's akin to having a dreadful cold or flu for days and days, and waking up one morning to realise: we're on the mend - we feel better in some idefinable way. We still have the symptoms, but not as severely, and our mental state has improved from wishing we could quietly be put down, to consideration of what we might have for dinner that day.

I'm off to the Saturday morning meeting - one of my favourites.


  1. Thanks for this. It is true that we know. And no amount of trying to get there via a faster route works.