In the last month or so, I've been waking up two to three hours before my usual time. In the past, I'd have fixated upon this change in sleeping habits, and worried it like a dog with a stuffed toy, chewing it over, trying to find a reason, wanting to know why.
I've reached a place in my life where I can shrug and accept some changes, see them as preparation for I know not what, and take advantage of what they offer to me. I was thinking about this last night, as I was doing my usual tidying up before going to bed. (One aspect of living alone that I really like is getting up to a clean kitchen.) I wondered if I wasn't sleeping later in the last year before I left my marriage because of depression, but it doesn't matter. I don't have that burning need to know why, before I can accept. I can get up earlier, enjoy having more time in my morning, and I'm grateful for that.
I like this from Courage to Change, page 97:
"I have to accept that I, too, display symptoms similar to those of the alcoholic, among them obsession, anxiety, anger, denial, and feelings of guilt. These reactions to alcoholism affect my relationships and the quality of my life, but as I learn to recognise them and to accept that I have been affected by a disease. I begin to heal. In time, I discover feelings of self-worth, love, and spiritual connectedness that help me to counteract the old responses. Mo matter how severely I have been affected, Al-Anon can help restore me to sanity. "
That's the great thing about this program; it matters not how crazy I have been. If I truly work to make changes in my attitude, my life will change.
Before I learned to accept many aspects of life as they are, waking up earlier than usual by a few hours would have given me an opportunity to drive myself up a wall, trying to figure out why this was happening. I'd have wanted a reason, and a good reason at that. I joked with my sponsor last week that my Higher Power was waking me up earlier because there's some plan for me. She laughed, because she too is a night owl, and is always giving herself heck for sleeping too late. Even at the age of 83, she still has the idea that she "should" be getting up earlier.
I'm going to spend the afternoon with her today, that's always a gift and a pleasure. I appreciate her willingness to work with me, and her humourous take on life.