This past Saturday, I had a 3-hour meeting with my husband. My guilt for leaving had been consuming me, and when I awoke that morning and received the urging from my Higher Power to do this, I trusted, and I put my faith in the belief I needed the meeting for myself.
We sat in my car and talked, and I felt a loving compassion for his suffering, but also, I was forcibly reminded of the reasons I chose to leave the marriage.
I won't live that circumscribed life with the alcoholic ego. I'd forgotten in my guilt, how impossible it is to connect with a human being who cannot set themselves aside for even a moment to consider another. His dial is set to "me" not "us" and it has always been, I was in denial.
I felt, and feel, a sorrow for us both, that we could not find a way to make the marriage work, at the same time as I feel a powerful gratitude to have gotten out. He has his path, and I have mine, I wish for him that he finds self-realisation in AA, and can move into the next stage of recovery.
I hope so too. Glad that you are doing well in this. I am sure there is sadness.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I have had that meeting, and sat through it in stunned disbelief, praying for acceptance the whole time. To see it clearly, bear witness to it, and not be reactive—you are stronger than you know. xo
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