I seem unable to write, lately. Or I can write, I just erase it all as soon as I read it over for editing purposes. (I've spent 2 hours trying to write a letter to my brother, who has been nothing but accepting and encouraging) The truth of my pain on ending my marriage of 17 years has more to do with loss of the dream than the relationship. The alcoholic had burnt away my feelings for him with his repeated lies.
One effect of all of this is that I cannot write upon my blog in the way I am accustomed: my old coping mechanisms are no longer needed, and in their passing is a freedom I'm not sure how to utilise.
I will be using the Al-Anon literature to help me through this writer's block. Please bear with me if my posts change form for a while.
There are no rules. I know what you mean about the dream.
ReplyDeleteI too write a daily blog, and I enjoy reading yours. I have come to find that writing every day becomes a discipline, like reading our literature daily. The more we practice a discipline, the better we become at it. I encourage you to write even when it seems halting and nonsensical. The flow will start again as you prime the pump.
ReplyDeleteI always find that when I am stuck in my writing, I have stumbled across something I can use as a lesson. I put down the computer and break out the ink pen - something I can't erase. That being said, working thru those blocks produced some of the hardest to write, but most revealing pieces I've ever written (revealing to me, about me). It's my form of "leaning in" to the issues I'm facing. I look forward to reading what meaningful discoveries you make on your journey out of this place you are in - keep writing!
ReplyDeleteIt is important for me to have patience in my life, most days I struggle with acceptance. Thanks for all your posts they are encouraging.
ReplyDeleteYou get to write or not write however and whatever the feeling urges you. I understand, though—after my alcoholic left, after five years of lying and stealing and cheating—I went into a blogging freefall, which is how recoveringjezebel.blogspot.com was born. I needed a whole new URL to help me through the fact that I wasn't writing about US anymore but about ME. Sending you recognition of your deep inner strength and your higher power's grace—
ReplyDeleteNo worry. I understand totally. The burned out feeling of the promises that cannot be fulfilled was something that drove me to have little left in the way of feelings over six years ago. I am thankful that we got to start our marriage over. But there are times that I say to myself over and over--take what I like and leave the rest.
ReplyDelete