Last night a friend asked how I was, and I replied, "I've had a week of letting go." My friend with cancer is getting worse shockingly quickly, and my much beloved female mini-dachshund hurt her back. The phone company is "upgrading service" in our area, our phone stopped working, the repair guy who came to fix it was rude, (so rude that I asked him to please leave and I'd contact the phone company to ask that they send someone else out.) another friend was annoyed with me because I wasn't willing to go out for a social outing, leaving my little dog at home, in pain and frightened because of it, every sponsee I have seemed to need to debrief with me, I'm way behind answering the emails from this blog - we've all lived through this kind of week, one thing after another, in rapid succession, no time to process the last before being presented with a new.
I do what I can to put out the immediate fires, and let the rest burn, I look after my dog, answer the now-fixed phone, write an email when I get the chance, deal with sponsees when they call or come over, remember to eat, sleep, and try for moments of relaxation.
I'm trying not to worry about my ill friend, but his rapid decline is terrifying; last night I said to my husband that I was worried that he wouldn't live long enough to have his surgery, booked for 2 weeks from now. When I think of him, I send him love, ask my Higher Power to grant him relief from pain, enough sleep, some pleasure in his life to make him laugh, and I turn him over - I can do nothing more than that, I have no power to cure him. I must let go of what I want, and work to accept what will be.
I can't cure my little dog's back problems, I can only do my utmost to safeguard her health, and make her life a good one.
I've had a week of letting go, and I am powerfully grateful that my home group meeting is tonight.