A newcomer asks: "Isn't it hard to figure out your own character defects, because aren't you naturally in denial about them?"
An excellent question, and timely, since our Step Group is working Step Four right now. The writer went on to ask, how could she find out what her character defects were?
Ask your family and friends! All kidding aside, it can be an interesting exercise to do this, because our friends and family can see us with more objectivity than we see ourselves. When we've been in Al-Anon for a while, we can ask members with whom we feel comfortable, and whom we trust, to discuss this with us, if they're comfortable doing so, because there again, we can be viewed with more objectivity.
Al-Anon's Paths to Recovery is a good resource, and Blueprint for Progress is a helpful book to work through, with sponsees doing their first Step Four. Both have good thought-provoking questions.
Try not to worry too much about how you are doing your inventory, and please, try not to bash yourself. No point in making it more difficult, right? We all have human frailties.
I laugh when I remember telling my sponsor that I only had 12 shortcomings. After my inventory it was 51. At the end of Blueprint there is a good list to contemplate.
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