Question

"Al-Anon talks about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. When I'm doing that "same thing," I really really believe it will turn out differently - how do I get past that blind spot?"

I have learned that I can have habits and patterns of thinking, which may seem to me quite reasonable, but which, when brought out into the light of day and discussed with another human being, sound rather deranged, in their denial of reality and experience.

It's all very well to have hope, and a positive attitude. For me, it was not that so much, as it was stubborn determination to achieve a desired result. This is where working the Steps with a sponsor can be so useful. A sponsor can help us to realise when we are not being honest with ourselves. A sponsor can act as a touchstone of grounded serenity. An Al-Anon friend jokes that she started to change her behavior, not because she thought she should, or believed that she was in the wrong, mistaken or misguided, but because she couldn't stand having to discuss it with her sponsor afterwards.

I happen to believe that for most of us, we will keep on doing what we are doing until we're ready to stop; until then, nothing changes because nothing changes. We will find reasons dazzling in their complexity, with which to justify this fact of life. We aren't ready to change, because we haven't had enough yet. That is impossible to explain or understand, if you don't happen to have that kind of co-dependent thinking.

In a car, the side mirrors can be set in such a way as to remove the "blind spot" - Al-Anon has helped me to reset my thinking, so as to see more clearly the ways in which my attitudes and emotions caused me strife and frustration - to remove my blind spot.

"Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords: but, like all other pleasures immoderately enjoyed, the excesses of hope must be expiated by pain; and expectations improperly indulged must end in disappointment."
                         Samuel Johnson

Wise man, Samuel; he figured out for himself, what I had to attend 12-Step to learn.

My suggestion to you, is to get a sponsor if you don't yet have one, and since you already have an idea of where your "blind spot" is, talk it out with other Al-Anon members and your sponsor. Work the Steps. Surrender all of it, blind spot included, and turn it over. Ask your Higher Power for help.