Monday, June 6, 2011

Practise Makes Better - Perfect Isn't Achievable.

One of the delights of 12-Step, is to watch the growth of a person who is sincerely trying to work this program. Most people coast for a while when they first start attending meetings, because they have a period of what is simply, relief:
a heavy-sighing plonking down of the burden of self into a chair, and the willingness to listen.

Some go so far, and no further, and that works for them. It wouldn't and didn't work for me, but I was very tangled and twisted in my thinking, and a seething mess of resentment, anger and pain. When I began to understand that were I to truly put in the effort, I could achieve a peace of mind unimaginable to me then, it opened a vein of longing within me. I became willing to do whatever it took to get there.

I'm not suggesting that I was willing each and every moment of each and every day, because that's just not true; I had (and still have) times when I was/am practising my program more from custom than inclination, and my feelings  were/are not the pure and lovely creatures I might wish them to be. But habit being a powerful thing indeed, I do the Al-Anon thing instead of the other, and the results are the same either way.

I may be letting go and letting God only because it has become a habit to do so in this sort of instance, and I may not be able to achieve unmixed willingness until my feelings have subsided a bit, but really, isn't that the point of all our work? To make these healthy choices our familiar way of doing things?

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, I think so. That AND the relief. Sometimes the relief comes from making healthy choices.