June Bugs.

Our little male dog is pure black, and likes to do a silly thing - he lies down on the floor, rolls over belly up, and then bicycles madly with all four legs, while making grunting snarfling noises. He reminds me of a June bug trying to right itself. He was doing it the other day, and we were laughing at him. My favourite part, is when he all at once rolls over and springs to his feet, then looks around as if surprised to find himself still in the same spot.

I said to my spouse, "You don't get nearly as far, when you're running while upside down."

I've been thinking about that again this morning. I spent a fair bit of my life running while upside down - lots of noise and fuss and movement, no real progress.

I had a major realisation about the way I deal with conflict in relationships. earlier this year, and it seems as though my Higher Power is giving me the same lesson time and again, to make sure I learn it in the way I need to - so that it becomes second nature, in the way my people-pleasing has been second nature.

It felt quite intimidating the first time I tried out new behavior, and is still a little scary, but I'm gradually seeing that it was my unwillingness to face the fear of standing my ground that caused me so much trouble.

I can deal with the conflict, and survive. What I can no longer deal with, is the consequences of the old behavior.

From the ODAT:

"What's the Big Idea in Al-Anon? What's behind these assurances that I do have the power to improve the shape and texture of my life?
It is this: Look to yourself."