Saturday, June 6, 2009

A Tree Falling In The Forest.

We were out with the dogs last night; it was a beautiful evening - a cool wind had arisen. We had just nodded a greeting to a young couple walking towards us, when an ominous cracking noise began, and then, with a thunderous crash, a huge tree went down. It was awe-inspiring to feel the ground shake when it hit. We agreed we hadn't realised the wind was strong enough to bring a tree down, we'd thought of it as a "light breeze," when we'd discussed whether or not we should wear sweaters for our walk.

I was thinking about that later, and realised that my perception of life is often limited. I can't see past my own small area of concern. I'm so caught up in my self-absorbed thinking, that I may not even register that which can be earth-shaking to someone else.

From Hope for Today, page 119:

"God sees the whole picture, whereas my knowledge of what is best for me is based upon my fluctuating perceptions of my tiny world."

Fluctuating perceptions, indeed. They do vacillate, with my mood, the weather, my state of health, when I'm hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Before Al-Anon, I didn't realise this, and would feel as though I was always going to be frustrated, or never going to get relief from my pain. I thought, and spoke, in absolutes. I would take a rash action, to relieve my feelings, and then be faced with an aftermath of that action, which could be far worse than my original problem.

In 12-Step, I've learned to relax a bit, to allow for the perceptions of others as input in my decision-making process. Not the deciding factor, necessarily, just input. I welcome the chance to step outside my "tiny world" and see what's out there. I can grasp the idea that this too, shall pass. I don't often have that panicky sensation that I must do something to relieve the pressure of my feelings.

I understand that my way is not the one, only, correct way. My way can be the right way for me, but completely wrong for another. I pray for the maturity to allow that reality to permeate my stubborn detemination. I ask for the ability to see further than my tiny world.

1 comment:

  1. Great post about the bigger picture. I think that service work has really showed me to look past my own pain and shortcomings.