Thursday, June 18, 2009

One Ringy Dingy...

All this past week, my husband and I have been commenting to each other that it was strange the way the business calls had fallen off, and we hadn't heard from so-and-so, and wasn't it wierd that we were getting so many hangups, why was no-one leaving a message?

I had been feeling some low-level anxiety about the fact that I hadn't received a call from, and couldn't seem to contact, my sponsor. Then yesterday, my husband had an idea, got out his cell phone, and called the landline, only to discover that the answering machine had reverted to the default message, (a borderline rude: "No-one can take your call right now!" Click!) and wouldn't allow any incoming messages.

The machine was defunct, hence no messages. We bought a new setup. I spent an hour or so trying to figure it out, (I'm middle-aged, I'm not technically literate; when I was in high school, we didn't even have calculators, we had to use pen and paper. I know, sounds like the 1800's, right?) and after wading through forty-six pages of instructions, I decided this was far more technology than either of us required, returned that one to the store, and bought the horse-and-cart variety of answering machine - only 3 pages of instructions.

What I found interesting about this experience was my assumption that I must have offended my sponsor somehow, and that's why I hadn't heard from her. I know her very well, as she knows me - the likelihood of that happening is so slight as to be nonexistent, yet that's the explanation which instantly jumped to my mind. I must have done something wrong, and that's why she hasn't called. In reality, each call I'd made to her, she'd tried to respond, even driving over to my house to see if we could connect that way - my husband and I were both out at the time, and she didn't think of writing a note, she knew she'd see me at the meeting tonight.

I know she isn't the type to sulk or give me the cold shoulder,
so why did I make this rather nervous assumption? Fatigue, perhaps. I haven't been sleeping well, for various reasons, and I'm operating upon about half the regular amount of sleep I consider sufficient. This absolutely affects my thinking, my responses, my ability to cope. I need to work my program rather more intensely than when I'm getting a good night's sleep. I need to "reason things out with someone else," because those ideas which seem so beautifully logical and astute when idling gently inside my head, prove to be eyebrow-raisers when voiced to an objective listener.

I need to recognise that my conclusions are far more likely to be the result of old thinking patterns when I'm this fatigued. If I am not thinking as clearly, then I need to respect that, and not decide that my interpretation of whatever event is the correct one, without obtaining outside information to test my hypothesis.

Don't speculate, ask. When in doubt, ask.
Difficult to remember when one's brain is in a pleasantly foggy state, as mine has been lately.

1 comment:

  1. I know that when I'm tired, I tend to not be right in my thinking. And can often get into dysfunctional thoughts. Thanks for sharing your experience with this.