There is only so much of me to go around. When I left my ex, I changed my cell phone number, and when he somehow obtained it and began to call me, rather than get a new cell phone number, I chose to get a landline. When I leave home, and anyone calls me, they get voicemail, and the next time I'm back at home, I return the call. It's not possible to reach me at every hour of the day or night by telephone. There's a certain glorious feeling of freedom when I'm with my sweetheart at his place, and I know that no-one can get in touch with me. For the same reason, I don't take my laptop to his place, because emails can wait for a reply, also.
Some of my sponsees are chained to their phones, and find it irritating in the extreme that I am not instantly and always available. I understand this, but I've learned over my years of sponsoring that I'm not indispensable to anyone - it can actually be helpful to a sponsee to not be able to reach me, and as a result, for them to choose to call another program member for support. It's not healthy for me, or for them, if they consider me their sole source of support. I like us to have a weekly meeting for working through the Steps together, and I will take whichever calls I am able, when I'm at home. When I'm out, I'm free of any feelings of responsibility for, or to, my sponsees. I give what I can, and that's enough.
This blog is another way I practise Step 12 in my program. Some periods of my life, I write on an almost daily basis, other times, not so often, but I do what I can, and try to discipline myself, without
turning it into a millstone around my neck. I will now and then receive a thank you letter from a reader which will bring a lump to my throat, because their words take me back to the time when I was new to this wonderful program, and just beginning my journey to recovery. I am powerfully grateful to my Higher Power for the love, acceptance and joy I have been given in my life, and for the ability to be of some use.
I can only do what I can do, and lately, my sweetheart has been getting the lion's share of my free time. It's still new and still amazing to me that we can get along in such peaceful serenity, livened by dashes of humour, and sprinkled with grace.
I hope that you are having a calm and satisfying weekend.
I'm glad that you are taking time for yourself and the relationship. I find that I don't feel like writing every day. I write when I have something to write about. And mostly I just stay busy with doing the things that bring me joy. Joy has been in short supply lately, but it is returning ODAT.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine being without my phone most of the day.
ReplyDeleteIt troubles me at times to be on call always. I sometimes don't answer my phone and may not return the call till the next day.
Choices-
Al-Anon teaches you about boundaries and why we people please. It seems selfish to put yourself first but with time you see this is the only way to live without resentments. If I wanted to believe I was a good person and have people like me I had give until it hurt.
ReplyDeleteI have gotten past that and realized that I have to take care of myself first. The world will not come to an end if I am missing. AT first this was hard for my ego to take but I got over it.
I enjoy reading all your posts! Thank you for blogging!
ReplyDeleteI admit I don't like being without my phone but then again I don't get people calling me all the time. So I don't need that boundary. I also don't call my sponsor whenever something goes wrong though in my case I probably should call more often (like this weekend when my vacation went a little crazy with my family). Anyway, I think you have a good outlook on how to handle your sponsees. They shouldn't rely on you as the only source of comfort. Their Higher Power needs to be the first one to go too!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog. I find your posts very thoughtful. The blog actually inspired me to make one. Writing about this stuff and sharing on Alanon topics is a wonderful service you are doing.
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