This evening, I spent a couple of hours engrossed in working upon a watercolor painting I'd started while still in the marriage, and haven't touched since. It was peaceful and deeply satisfying, to listen to a speaker cd while I happily splashed paint and water, mixed colors, and attempted to obtain certain effects. Some I managed, some I thought not such a success, but for me, as it always is, it's the creation that is so powerfully satisfying.
There's something about turning off my internal dialogue, and listening to 12-Step wisdom, while I work upon creating something, whether that be with fabric, or paint and paper, which allows me to let go of all of the day's happenings, and just be, with pure enjoyment in the feeling.
I've always done something creative, I made stained glass for 20-odd years, until I felt I'd reached a point where I'd challenged myself as far as I could in that medium, and then I turned back to an old love - painting.
I chose watercolor because it's a fiendishly difficult medium to master, and I wanted the challenge. It definitely gives me that, but it also gives me a peaceful feeling of nearness to my Higher Power, and serenity. I'm grateful to have been given artistic ability, because it has always been a source of such delight and satisfaction.
I'm thrilled to have moved through my grief to the point that my creative side is awake again, and wanting expression. Life moves on, and when we move with it, instead of hanging on tightly to the past, closing our eyes, and clutching at our feelings of justified anger, we are granted the lovely peace of being in a state of grace.
I spoke to a sponsee from the last city in which I lived today - we've kept in touch and I adore her. She's a brave, intelligent, witty, lovable woman, and I feel so blessed to know her. Life is good.