Why are we so determined to do it ourselves? I once thought that this was a sign of power, of being capable, efficient, successful. I considered asking for help a weakness. I've learned that when I ask for help, that's when I'm humble. I'm admitting that I cannot do it on my own, that I am in need of company, support, love.
Sitting around fuming and waiting will never get me what I need. Other people cannot read my mind, I need to ask. I need to understand that when I ask, there are going to be times in which the other person is unavailable or unable or unwilling, and that I must accept. If I can't get help from one person, try another. My sponsor isn't always going to be at the end of that phone, she too has a life. So what then?
Call another friend. If there is no person available to speak with me, I can read program literature, or turn to my Higher Power.
I have had to learn that I can give myself the encouragement love and support which I always sought from others. I can calm myself down in the same way that I used to wind myself up. When I make my own happiness and my own serenity my first priority, that's self-care, and I deserve that.
I thought today that my life feels very different now, because I am getting affirmations from program friends, and my siblings, that I am a good, warm, loving, compassionate person. What's different is that I don't have my ex-husband chipping away at my self-image, telling me the opposite. My heart is lighter, and joy fills me at the smallest things - sunshine pouring over the roof of the cathedral one block away, and visible from my living room window, assistance I render to someone in the building: time spent sewing jeans for myself: playing with cats as a volunteer for the SPCA.
I feel that I am a lucky woman to be living my life today, I have found peace that I sought for so long when married to the alcoholic. It was impossible because of his lying. Some people can live with that, and accept it as a symptom of the disease, but for me, because of my childhood, I need to be able to trust.
I pray for gratitude for all with which I'm blessed today. I pray for tolerance, patience, and a loving spirit.
Oh those alcoholics, sober or not, still can cause so much havoc. Sending peaceful thoughts your way today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reminding me I don't have to do it alone.
ReplyDeleteMy estranged Mother is visiting me staying for 3 weeks after such a long absence. I set up boundaries asking her to stay in a hotel for a few days, It made me feel guilty that I don,t deserve to take care of myself. Reaching out I understand that there are tools waiting at my hips.
Trust is essential in a relationship, if it is to be something that works over the long term. It's hard enough to live together anyway but when someone is lying it is nearly impossible.
ReplyDeleteI still love my independence and self sufficiency as survival instincts that are a part of me that has a downside: arrogance. I can still appreciate the fact that I work independently and am a survivalist while being aware that these same benefits can turn into a lonely hell where everyone I love gets pushed away. It's hard to learn to manage survival which is necessary and love
ReplyDeleteI have felt that I have to do it all myself since my father died when I was a teenager, but I have rarely had high self esteem and the combination is not good. So being in Al anon gives me the support from the membership, my H.P., my sponsor, CAL literature so I am not alone. But I am still at the beginning of a scary journey and it is only with the Al anon programme I can do this. I know I have to develop faith, trust and hope to progress to regain my serenity. The programme gives me the tools to become more mature and do the growing that I should have done as a teenager/adult. If I can love and respect myself more and accept help I may get the balance right.
ReplyDeleteThat is a kind if thought processes of a survivor. Any individual going a rough passage in life like recovering from an addiction with that kind of optimism paired with recovery assistance will likely win the battle against addiction.
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