Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May Already, And Faith.

My little dog being hurt has placed me into a situation where I must rely on faith that she will improve. Her breeder and the vet tell me that they've both seen dachshunds recover and go on to lead a normal life after back injury. I'm told that time, steroids, pain meds and crate rest will heal her, because we are very fortunate, and she has no neurologic deficits,  her only symptom is pain and that this fact suggests the possibilty of an excellent outcome. I'm willing and committed to do whatever I can to ease her suffering and help restore her to health, and I'm receiving a lesson in faith while I do so.

Faith requires that I let go of what I want, and accept what is now. I have much for which to feel grateful - that we can afford the vet, and the medications to ease my little dog's pain. I'm grateful for enough time in Al-Anon that I no longer spend the time railing at my Higher Power for what is happening in my life, which used to consume me in fury and frustration before 12-Step.

When I awoke in the middle of the night last night, and immediately my thoughts leapt to my little dog and her suffering, I had a choice in that moment as to whether I would take the path of worrying and stress and anxious horrified imaginings, or would I ask my HP for help to let that go?

I've come to believe that for myself, anxiety is lack of faith, because if I truly trust my HP, what do I have to be anxious about? Do I trust that I will be looked after, or don't I? If I do, then I let it go, and ask to have my character defects removed so that I may enjoy my life. Well, do I believe that my HP cares for me, but not for my little dog? She too is one of his creatures. No, I believe that she is loved as I am loved. Then I do what I can to look after her, and let the rest go. Don't obsess over whether she seems better than yesterday, or worse, accept.  Do the next thing there is to do. Be loving. Live in the moment, because the now is all there is. I have to live in the day, and in the moment, this and this and this are happening.

Don't let my thoughts become my master. Shake them off and seek serenity. That's what I have to do.


  1. Great post, made me think. When you said... "Faith requires that I let go of what I want, and accept what is now." This is a tough one for me, but something I am willing to work on. Also when you said "anxiety is lack of faith", Wow, I needed that reminder today. Thank you.

  2. I think that you are doing what you can. It may take time for her to heal. You are so right that obsessing won't do anything. Best to deal with what you do know and not project the worst. Thinking of you as you and your little dog continue on this path of life together.

  3. What an inspiring post. I love your language here: "Faith requires that I let go of what I want, and accept what is now." I have been learning this drip-by-drip, but didn't have such beautiful words to express the concept. Thank you for, even in your pain, sharing what will help others. God bless your heart.