Rigidity Of Thought.

I had an experience recently, in which I was confronted with the fact that I am still, even after many years in program, able to get caught up in rigidity of thinking. I think I am bendable, but then an occasion will arise, and (always only in retrospect, of course) I will see afterwards, that I've done it again.

I'd prefer to view this character trait as I did before Al-Anon, as "having exacting standards," and "wanting precision in all things" but the reality is far more along the lines of "being inflexible because of an underlying belief that I'm right."

When I follow the thought process to its conclusion, I can see that the road originates, as so many of them do, in fear. I have a fear that if I don't express my (unsolicited) opinion, I may lose something I value greatly, through watching it be slowly watered down or changed, while I sit and say nothing.

And since I'm trying to speak up more, I can get carried away, and start giving my opinion about something that is none of my business, which is what I've done recently.

So then, it's back to working the Steps, practise Step Ten:
"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

I'm so grateful for this Step - it keeps me clear that I will always be being wrong, and that I need to admit it, make an amend, and do these two things in a timely manner.

I have no control over whether or not my amend is accepted,  but if I am sincere in making it, and state my apology in no uncertain terms, with an explanation of how I believe I went wrong - that's all I can do.

I can't go back in time and make my wrong not happen, but I can learn from this one, so that I'm more careful and thoughtful in the same situation next time, and I can make an amend for this one.