Saturday, August 28, 2010

Rigidity Of Thought.

I had an experience recently, in which I was confronted with the fact that I am still, even after many years in program, able to get caught up in rigidity of thinking. I think I am bendable, but then an occasion will arise, and (always only in retrospect, of course) I will see afterwards, that I've done it again.

I'd prefer to view this character trait as I did before Al-Anon, as "having exacting standards," and "wanting precision in all things" but the reality is far more along the lines of "being inflexible because of an underlying belief that I'm right."

When I follow the thought process to its conclusion, I can see that the road originates, as so many of them do, in fear. I have a fear that if I don't express my (unsolicited) opinion, I may lose something I value greatly, through watching it be slowly watered down or changed, while I sit and say nothing.

And since I'm trying to speak up more, I can get carried away, and start giving my opinion about something that is none of my business, which is what I've done recently.

So then, it's back to working the Steps, practise Step Ten:
"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

I'm so grateful for this Step - it keeps me clear that I will always be being wrong, and that I need to admit it, make an amend, and do these two things in a timely manner.

I have no control over whether or not my amend is accepted,  but if I am sincere in making it, and state my apology in no uncertain terms, with an explanation of how I believe I went wrong - that's all I can do.

I can't go back in time and make my wrong not happen, but I can learn from this one, so that I'm more careful and thoughtful in the same situation next time, and I can make an amend for this one.


  1. It's all okay. I learned a lot from the discussion. I have been approached by advertisers for money and turned them down. And when Chelsea wrote me I was skeptical until I read her story. I am a soft touch! I know now to put a further disclaimer on my site that what I write are strictly my opinions. I think that is the beauty of recovery-- to continue to learn, keep an open mind and to do God's will. Thank you for being an example of that.

  2. Sometimes, we just don't have all the information, and our opinions can change once more info comes in! I agree with Syd that you are a wonderful example of being humble and well-intentioned and that you are also good about "promptly" admitting! This is a nice post...very helpful to a perfectionist like me :)