I was listening to an Al-Anon speaker yesterday, while I was making soup and seasoning a new wok, and have been thinking about one comment he made. He said that working the program doesn't mean that we won't feel pain or suffer during the stressful periods in our lives, it means that we have tools with which to deal with life's trials and tribulations.
Some of life's trials won't go away. We endure health problems, as I have done recently, and after the treatment, our body doesn't work in the same effortless way it used to. I've been very fortunate, but there have been changes, and I need to live with them, since I've no other choice. Some days, I can accept and let go. Occasionally, I'll have a bad night, as I did last night, with patchy sleep and physical complaints, and wake up feeling down, as I did this morning.
I'm feeling grumpy and dis-satisfied and in need of a spiritual boost. I know I'll get it when I go to the office operating committee meeting this afternoon. I'll see my sponsor and other members of my home group, women I love dearly, who make me laugh, give me hope, and life my spirits when I'm already happy. When I'm feeling a little down, as I am today, they are a lifeline to regaining my usual good mood.
Robert is out at the moment, but I know that when he returns, he will smile at me, and I will feel the comfort and blessing of his love for me, and mine for him, and my gratitude for the blessings in my life will dissipate this touch of melancholy, like wood smoke on the breeze.
In Al-Anon, I'm learning not to panic when my mood shifts occasionally. For many years, I was afraid of my feelings of pain or sorrow, because I feared that there might come a day when they wouldn't end. Now, I am aware that they are a part of me that can be acknowledged, accepted, and released.
This too, shall pass.