One thing I find most noticeable, as I go through this business of diagnosis, testing to stage the tumour, and then waiting for the results (I find out what's facing me this Thursday, the 10th of October, almost 2 months after having been diagnosed with cancer.) is that my essential daily mood has been, with a few exceptions, relatively unchanged.
I have had moments of fear and despair, I've had moments of a pure clean anger at the timing of all this - meeting the man who is the love of my life, and 3 months later being diagnosed with cancer - but on the whole, I have been able to maintain my joy in living, and my delight in the friends and family who add so much to my life.
Nothing has changed there, I'm still waking up feeling gleeful at the start of a new day, and I can still spend time with friends having laughing fits over not very much. My attitude towards life has been irrevocably changed, so that in spite of what would have seemed tragedy to me, when I was new to Al-Anon, I can let go of that which is beyond my control (the cancer) let go of spending hours days or weeks obsessing about the fairness or unfairness of it all, let go of worrying stressing and fussing, and allow myself to be in the same peaceful state of serenity I felt,before having been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness.
I thank my Higher Power on an hourly basis for R, who is a delight and a treasure, with his warm, supportive love, and who can make me howl with laughter, regardless of topic. I'm grateful for my sponsor, who is always there to listen, and to give my thinking a little tweak in the right direction when required. I'm grateful for my friends, who have spoken loudly of their love for me, and who make me feel like I'm wrapped in a wide-spread circle of caring.
Most of all, I'm grateful for Al-Anon, which has changed my attitudes to such an enormous extent. Had this happened before my time in program, I'd be in a very different headspace, - I'd be suffering, self-pitying, mournful, and defeated.
It's through dedicated effort to "work my program" that I've been able to face this life hurdle with my serenity largely intact, and my humour untouched. Bless you all for your support.