When new to this idea, that our perceptions create our reality, I was also new to Al-Anon, so I hadn't any experience in living my life differently, to which I could point to remind myself that I might not have all the answers to my own questions. My first spiritual awakening wasn't light and fluffy, it was a powerful life-changing experience. Since then, I've had many more spiritual experiences, and they have affirmed this understanding to a greater degree each time.
When I can let go, and let my life unfold without too much editorialising, planning, arranging, or deciding on my part, it works out in ways I don't have the imagination to invent in my projections. I've learned to ask for what I want, but to ask in such a way that all I'm doing is asking for the desire, I'm not giving instructions as to how that desire shoud be granted to me. There are replies to my requests which come with shattering speed, so that I'm standing leaning away from them a bit saying, "Oh, already, well, yes, that's beautiful indeed, and just what I wanted, but I'd kind of planned on having the 4-6 week delivery period to adjust to having this in my life..." when the truth is, I wanted it, I asked for it, and here it is, right in front of me, and am I going to let fear stop me from stepping forward to meet it?
I've been talking to my Higher Power a lot on recent walks, telling him how I feel about this response of his, and how the package was unrecognisable to me until I'd unwrapped it a bit, and then when I saw what it was, I was shocked, unready, anxious - feeling that this was too soon, I wasn't expecting it, and I don't think I do want it after all, so could he please take it away again, at the same time as my heart swells with gratitude. When I'm out walking alone, I can convince myself I don't really want the gift after all. When I'm within 50 feet of it, I know that this is what I have wanted all my life. I'm trying to relax, pray for strength to accept that this is meant for me: live in the moment: revel in the joy of it.
I pray to understand that answered prayers can be frightening, but I don't have to pick up the fear and run with it. I can set it down, decide to live for now, and feel my good feelings.