Spiritual Awakening

What does this feel like? Look like? A speaker stated that they could see a new light in the eyes of those who had experienced a spiritual awakening.
For myself, and those I sponsor, I notice a change in thinking. We climb, with much effort, from the old ruts in our thinking, and once we have reached level ground, are astonished to find the perspective so altered. And then, once we've realised that our perspective can be changed in this way, we are never again able to believe the voices in our head to be the one and only voice of truth. We question our thinking on a continual basis, and the more we do this, the further we go in our understanding of how in error we can be.

I found it mind-boggling, the first time this happened to me - I spent hours with my sponsor, learning how not to berate myself for having been so blind. She was very firm on this point, told me that the desire to castigate myself was counter-productive, since if I bashed myself with sufficient force, I'd end up so miserable as a result of my new understanding, that I'd refuse to move another step, and would retreat back to the safety of my co-dependent cave of self. With her help, I began to understand the ways in which my own thinking had kept me trapped.

Each time I have been granted a new level of understanding, my joy in living has intensified, my tolerance has increased, my love for others, and myself,  has grown.

I can recall, years back, when moving was a fearsome hassle, and I'd be grouchy and bad-tempered and exhausted throughout the process. Over time it has grown to be fun, becase I'm doing it with my Higher Power right beside me, and I have no fear. Yesterday I spent the day phoning around getting utilities changed; I used to hate this part of a move. Nowadays, it's just another thing task on my to-do list, and I take delight in making the customer service people laugh - really laugh, and to thank them with true gratitude for their help - when I do this, I can hear in their voices that it has registered, and feels good.

I have changed so much in my view of life, and my attitudes.This wonderful program has given me a life I would not have believed possible, and my gratitude can bring tears to my eyes, it's so overwhelming and powerful.

I pray that you will feel this love and peace of the program today.

Selective Attention

Think you can text and drive at the same time?

Take this video test to see how well you can focus on a task:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo

You might be surprised.

Acceptance Is Not A Character Trait.

"Acceptance is not a trait that you either have or don't; it's learned behavior."

                                                                     Morrie Schwartz.

God Can Do The Footwork, Too.

When it became clear that we needed to find a new place to live, because this space is too small, and I had nowhere to open the business I feel moved to start. I went around for a week or so, saying to my HP, "You know what we need, so I'm going to leave it up to you." I decided to turn it over completely.

The first house I looked at was perfect in every way - had everything I wanted - 3 blocks from the beach, fenced yard for the dogs, separate room on the ground floor for my office, and 3 bathrooms. (My idea of heaven, lots of bathrooms.) Not only that, but great landlords - they lowered the rent in order to cover the costs of oil heat, and gave us free rein to paint, landscape, do anything we wish.

I turned it over completely, and decided to believe that my Higher Power could do all the footwork, just as the speaker on the cd had claimed, and it worked. That was the easist, shortest house hunt I've ever experienced. It's interesting to see how when I believe something is possible, it becomes so.

Turn it over. Try it and see. What have you got to lose?

Clear, Healthy Thinking.

I can't change other people.

If I'm predicating my happiness or my serenity, on the hope that someone else will change, to become the person I want them to be, I am handing them my life on a plate, and retiring to a corner to starve.
---------------------------------------------

From Courage to Change, page 234:

"Searching for the real me, living according to my needs, and loving myself as a new-found friend have been the most rewarding benefits of the Al-Anon program. Strangely, they're the last ones I would have imagined receiving when I began.

Today's Reminder
Today I can choose to take responsibility for my own life. If I stay out of other's affairs and become more aware of my own, I have a good chance of finding serenity.

"Each man's life represents a road toward himself."
                                         Hermann Hesse
-----------------------------------------------

I want to be capable of clear, healthy thinking. That's not possible when I'm disturbed by someone else's behavior, or thinking. How do I get there?

First, I need to be aware of what's going on inside my head, so I can catch myself when I start obsessing, or taking someone else's inventory. So, I find I'm doing this, what's next?

I need to consider which character defect is driving my thinking - am I angry? Resentful? Arrogant? Judgemental? Impatient? Controlling?  I can ask my Higher Power to remove it. Right then, at that moment, I can ask to be set free of whatever character defect has risen to the surface, and is presently running my show.

Once I've asked to be relieved of my character defect, and have had it lifted, then I am capable of clear healthy thinking, because I'm not being swept along by my feelings. I can detach, step back, and decide exactly what it is that's best for me, without having my judgement clouded by high emotion.

What is best for me, is to be honest to myself and my own needs. If I don't do this for myself, I will be angry. I will be resentful, I will be _____. (fill in the blank)

Clear thinking makes many things possible. I pray for the wisdom to understand what I can change, and what I cannot.

Eager For Humility.

From AA's 12 and 12, page 73:
"To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as something to be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time."
-------------------------------------------------

I'd have to agree with that one for myself. It has taken me many years to reach the place I'm at now, which I've heard described as, "a sheer delight to find out we're wrong, because that means we have another chance to change and grow."

I'm finding myself and my ego-driven thinking, funnier as the years pass. I've got a little reminder up on the wall behind my computer:

SIOTSU - this stands for: Say It Once, Then Shut Up.

I joked with my sponsor that this would make a great new slogan - she dryly suggested I submit it to World Services, and see what they thought. I was reminded of this today,  listening to a 12-Step talk, when the speaker said he likes to tell his sponsees, after they've rambled on for a while about whatever it is: "Now distill that down to one or two sentences."

When I take 10 minutes to say something, that's my ego talking - I've noticed that my sharing in meetings is becoming shorter by the year, because so much of the time, I am able to distill it down to a few sentences.

My life becomes simpler all the time, and what a glorious feeling that is. I'm more able to let go of my old thinking, and open my mind to absorb new. Much of my fear has fallen away, and with its going, life has grown to feel more like an adventure.

I am far more loving than I once was. When I'm in a meeting, and someone speaks of the way this incredible program has changed their life for the better, it never fails to move me, because of my love for the people around the table who are sharing my spiritual journey. I'm not even close to achieving the perfection of which I dreamed when I was new to Al-Anon, and that's not a goal anymore.
Humility means that I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power unconditionally. I spent a long time believing that it was my choice to turn control of my will and my life over to my Higher Power. When I realised that I was turning over an illusion, it was staggering. Mind-boggling, and quite the blow to my ego. But once that passed, it became hilariously funny.

That was perhaps the first time that I felt that "sheer delight in being wrong", because of what it meant for me in terms of my spiritual growth. If being wrong could teach me, I was finally, fully eager to be wrong. Being wrong went from something embarassing and shameful, to - humility.

"You Can't Do That!"

One of my favourite AA speakers is a man with a great sense of humour, and a wonderful message. I was listening to one of his talks last night, and he was saying if you want to know whether what you are proposing is God's will, ask those in the program whom you trust: "I'm considering taking this action; do you think this is God's will for me?"

I decided to put this idea into practise,with regard to a major life change I'm considering. So far, those I've asked have replied with a resounding yes. It's a powerfully supportive feeling.

Yesterday, I received a negative response from a stranger, along the lines of "You can't do that, because of this, this, and this." Because I'd done my research, I knew she was mistaken on all three counts. It got me thinking, about all the people along the way who have told me what I can't do. I'm grateful for the character trait of determination, which has allowed me to push ahead, even when everyone around me has been giving me negative input.

I've arrived at middle age relatively unscathed, and can look back and see that if I'd listened to the naysayers, I'd never have done anything. I'd still be living in the same small town in which I was raised, because that was one of the first "You can't do that!" messages I heard; that I couldn't travel to see the country in which I'd been born, that I had to stay and follow the prescribed path laid out for me by others.

I've had an interesting and varied life; if I'd let the fears of other people keep me trapped, that wouldn't have been the case. I have one life to live; I want to live it fully. I want to explore, and I want to challenge myself.

When my husband decided to quit his job and go back to school at the age of 50, I was one of the few people urging him on. He was terrified, but he did it, and he sailed through his courses with honor marks, and a renewed confidence. When he graduated, he opened his own business, because that was his dream. I've seen the hugely positive changes that his courage has created, and I'm proud of him for it.

Don't let other people tell you what you can't do. Have the courage to change.